“Would you date/marry a girl who has the same surname as yours but is not a relative?”
This random question popped in my head just recently. Why? Because I have a very rare surname. And for my entire life I have never met a non-relative who has the same surname as mine. But guess what? A new hire at our office (who happens to be pretty) has the same surname as I have. She’s not a relative. We tried to trace each other’s family tree to see if we have a common relative, but there was none.
Then my boss teased me saying: “You know what, you are single and so she is. She is pretty and I think you two would make a good couple.”
I replied: “I know, right? But I’m having second thoughts about it because we share the same surname. What if we got married? It would be something like “Santos-Santos nuptials”. Not a good idea. And for some reason I feel like it’s incest.” LOL.
(by the way, Santos is not my surname. It’s just an example I made up.)
After our conversation, my boss laughed boisterously. 
******
It sounds funny. But I am having lots of reservations about the idea. Not that it’s a big deal really. It’s just that my surname is really rare and I don’t want to wake up one day only to discover that I might have married a distant cousin. I remember I even asked this same question at the PGG Forums and PGG Facebook Fan page and I got interesting replies.
How about you? What do you think?
59 comments
it is not incest if it is already beyond 4th generation relative. malayong kamag-anak na iyon for sure if ever
well for me my surname is somewhat unique but in our circles, its really not.
so i wouldnt mind if we have the same surname its just gonna be a weird conversation trying to found out if she is your cousin O.o
well doon sa 4th generation, medyo di parin kasi in our family even the 5th or 6th kahit papano nagkikita parin kahit isang beses sa isang taon. di naman kasi ganon kalaki pamilya namin.
from the past generations of our family, lahat sila sama sama hindi sa isang bahay pero sa isang lugar so alam mong magkakamaganak kayo.
ayoko lang mangyari sa kin na pag gising ko sasabhin niya hi cus! O.o
Well, Chris at least you’ll save her from tones of paper work because she basically will retain her surname. Unlike me who is still changing IDs up to know even it has been almost a year after the wedding. Wink, wink
If you really love her, why not?
Afterall, in the end it doesn’t matter at all..
love doesn’t care about surnames. and if she’s pretty and sweet. i dont care even if her name is ugly buttface as long as i like what we have.
Sassy – haha.You are still fixing IDs?
Julius/google – well it would not really matter if your surnames are common. but with me having a rare surname, i think that there is a big percentage that we might be relatives though I’m not sure.
my auntie experienced this.. antonio-antonio haha
I don’t mind. Just make sure you trace the family tree carefully.
well, i’m not really sure about that. well, considering what you’ve just said about not having a common surname, maybe she’s your distant relative.
Tignan mo muna kung sasagutin ka. Kasal na iniisip mo, hindi mo pa ata girlfriend e.
may mga tao rin namang magkaiba surname pero magpinsan e
i dont see any problem with that. But what if you marry someone who has the same first and last name?? say Antonia Antonia and it happens that you have the same last name too? say, Michael Antonia.. haha. Poor girl, its goin to be a total disaster! lol
I’m not Filipino though, but this is a question that can be answered by anyone, no matter what country they’re from. I wouldn’t really care about it myself, so yes, I would date/marry such a person, if I happened to actually get interested in her. Thing is that my known relatives can be counted on two hands, and my surname is one of the most common in my country. The chance of meeting a person who just has my surname is completely clouds the chance of me meeting a person who is actually related to me, so I might not be the best person to ask..
Funny side fact: I have had about 4 or 5 people in a 30-person class who had the same surname as me, and were unrelated to me and each other. My surname is not that extremely common, so it was still a bit of an oddity.
Amanoo – welcome to PGG. it’s quite hard for me because my surname is quite rare and as I’ve said there’s a big chance that someone who has the same surname as me is a relative. LOL. that would be incest.
As for your case, since you said yours is pretty common, I think that would be fine. Where are you from anyway?
I’m in that problem I’m in love we have same surname nd we true love each other
Hi, Chris. I wanted to comment on this post because I also experienced this one. I met this girl last year during the masskara festival here in bacolod and were friends again on FB. She’s pretty gorgeous but sadly we share the same family name.. LOL
In my knowledge about the law here in our country it is okay to marry sa second cousins na.. Pero kahit meron akong idea na ganun I just don’t think it’s a good idea to court a girl who shares your family name as well.
Anyway, sa ngayon we’re still connecting pero I don’t really give a space in my head about courting her.. LOL Pero sayang na sayang lang talaga eh..hehehehe
Actually I am experiencing the same situation…were not married yet..and we didn’t talk about it yet..but we are dating in a relatjonship to each other..but sometimes Im just thinking what if one day we made it and got married..is it acceptable here in our cpuntry..is there any law that forbid us??
Lol I am a South African, I bumped into this also looking for a solution to the same problem. I was also searching if there is any law in South African Law which prohibit same surname marriages but I couldn’t find any – or if it’s regarded as incest. Because my girl and I have much many plans for our future.
Well it’s unacceptable according to Customary Law but I don’t know according to English Law and Roman-Dutch Law because South African Law is in a form of a Hybrid System.
I just don’t know now!!
Andy, yeah I get what you mean. I thought I was the only one who was questioning if this is indeed an issue
Thank you for this informations Mr Author and commentors. Actually, I’m not experiencing this kind of situation. It just got me really curious so I search for answers, if it is not prohibited by the law.
I’m in the same situation now mr.Author. We’ve been together for months but he’s been my ex. A situation happens when I was celebrating my birthday with my relatives and my boyfriend was there. When my sister who happens to be the host of my party calls my boyfriend for him to dance with me, my relatives were in shock when they’ve known that we share the same surnames. I don’t know what to say but as far as I know, we’re not cousins. How could I know if it is possible to marry a man who happens to have my surname too?? We don’t wanna get into any trouble.?
Hi Chris. So going through your blog and reading the comments has made me feel less guilty because now I know that I am not the only one in a relationship with someone with the same surname.
I am in a relationship with a man that I am crazily inlove with and so is he but now our problem is how people will perceive our relationship especially mine because he has already told his. He wants to make things official next year but I am afraid of what my family will say.
We are from South Africa and belong to a Zulu cultural group where even if you are not blood related but being from the same surname automatically makes you related.. We definately are not blood related but I am not sure how everyone will take this. I wish people would just accept that we are in love and perform rituals (I heard that it was possible through a traditional ritual) . This man makes me so happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I dont know if my family will accept our relationship and Im not sure about the Law either.
Thobekile – thanks for your comment. In our country, some surnames are very common, so as long as you can prove that you are not blood related, then everything is good. I hope it is the same for you.
I’m actually in this situation and we’re in a relationship for 5 years now.
Now, we’re thinking of breaking up because of this situation. We might not allow to get married because of the same surname and some of our distant relative says we our actually distant relative too. ???
Grace – sorry to hear that. I’m not very familiar with the PH law about this, but how distant is it?
I want to ask if it is okay to have a relationship to the guys i like who has a surname fuentes, my great grandmother has the same surname but we really dont know if we are related or they have just the same surname. I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want to give him ul since I’m already attached to him. Hope for some advice there thank you so much!!
Oh my! and I thought I was the only one. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 years now. I’m a De Leon and he’s also a De Leon too. My parents are too conservative that they refused to accept our relationship. On the other hand, my boyfriend’s family are just fine with it. Says our surnames are so common. His De Leon side came from the province of Pampanga, while I traced mine, and found out that we originally came from Pangasinan. (Both provinces in the Philippines) We do some ancestor/family tree tracing and we couldn’t find any similar relative. Thus, concluded that we aren’t really from the same “De Leon Clan”. Also, We have already consulted our lawyer friends about our rare (which happens to be not) situation and if marriage is possible for us. Well guess what? just like the other normal couples who were having different surnames, we could get married too! as long as you guys are not related by 4th degree, though. We even asked a priest about it, (desperate, I know. All the things you do for love) and says that it is okay to marry someone who’s got same surname as yours, just make sure that you aren’t closely related. We also do some researching, and found out that there are MARRIED Couples who are actually bearing the same surnames. I have a friend who is Magsalin-Magsalin, (Parents, having the same surname but unrelated), Dela Cruz-Dela Cruz, (my co-workers back then), Javier-Javier (my brother’s prof in college).
It may sound weird and funny, but I’m hoping to be a De Leon-De Leon too in the future.
My surname may not have change even after marriage, or few will make fun of how unusual our relationship is, or how my parents dislike the idea, but losing my most favorite person in the whole universe just because of the surname issue, nah. not gonna take that chance.
I am actually in this situation.. And I am almost 12 years married.. Matagal na ko nagbabasa dito pero ngayon lang nag comment 😅 Actually parang na depress ako noon dahil sa ganitong situation at nag research ako noon tungkol dito, marami din ako nalaman na galing sa mga kilalang family noon na may mga kamag anak na kinasal kahit same surname.. Naalala ko nagkaron din ako noon ng isang classmate saka isang schoolmate na same ang mga middle name at surname nila.. Di ko nga akalain na mangyayari din pala sakin ang ganitong situation 😅 Kapag nalalaman nga ng mga di nakakakilala sakin na magkaparehas pala ang maiden name at married name ko natatawa sila. Pero Yun nga, naikasal naman kami.
Going through almost the same problem. But, we don’t share same surname. it’s just that, his surname is same with my mother’s middle name. Naaaahhh.
How’s your situation now? I have the same problem as you. haaaaiiiii…
How’s your situation? Did you make it?
Did you not get any trouble in the processing of your wedding just because you have the same surname? I’m having the same trouble right now. 🙁
Good day Sophia! How are you today with your boyfriend? Are you married now? Sophia I want to meet you to have a chat with you because you know why? Your situation is the same as my situation. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years and just like you and your boyfriend we are both DE LEON but what give me chills in that my grandfather is also from PAMPANGA and the grandfather of my boyfriend is also from PANGASINAN. Indeed, what a great coincidence! We are planning to get married soon because just like what you said I do not also want to lose my soul mate. See you soon! I hope we get attach to each other very soon 😀
Congratulations Joan! You give me hope hehehehe Best WISHES!
Hi. I actually have the same situation. My father and my fiance’s mother has the same middle names. We asked from the elders (boyfriend’s side) about it and said we are not closely related anymore. We are getting married this Nov. 21 but I am still anxious about it.
Hi. I actually have the same situation. My father and my fiance’s mother has the same middle names. We asked from the elders (boyfriend’s side) about it and said we are not closely related anymore. We are getting married this Nov. 21 but I am still afraid that some problem may occur on the wedding day
Good for you your family already knows about your situation. In my case, I’m still worried to tell them about this.
Congrats on your wedding day. 🙂
Hello, Mae. How’s your situation? I’m in the same situation as you. I don’t want to lose hope in this situation. 🙁
Same problem! We are 2 years in a relationship now.. hindi kami relatives pero meron parin yung iba na natatawa nalang pag nalaman nilang same kami ng last name 🙁
Hello Mae, Wow, what a coincidence! We aren’t married yet, but we’re still together. Going on our 5th anniv on January. It would be nice to have a chat with you someday 🙂 I’m hoping for the best for your relationship and best wishes in advance!
PS. I think I’ll be the one asking you some tips about the marriage process for our situation soon 😉 Keep safe.
Hello, Ann. How’s your wedding? Did you encounter some problems?
Hello, Abigail. I have the same situation as you. I have this boyfriend with the surname of “Ang” which is also my grandmother’s last name. I haven’t checked our family tree yet.
Gladz, is your surname a common one?
Hello, Ann. How’s your wedding day? Did you encounter some problem? 🙂 Need your advice.
Good day! I need some help. What if my father’s middle name same as my boyfriends Surname? Is it possible that we get married?
Hello, Regine. we actually have the same situation. My bf’s surname is the same with my mother’s middle name.Did you ask the elders if you are related?
Hi Glaise. Our wedding was magical except for a little family drama 😊 My husband’s aunt found out that day that my father’s middle name and my mother-in-law’s middle name are the same. They had a serious conversation with my husband, cousin and in-laws. I got anxious but then I chose to enjoy my wedding day😊
I’m very happy for you, Ann. 🙂
hi guys, in my situation my bf’s grandmother has the same last name of my greatgrandmother is that possible ? we have been together for almost year and a half . and that bothers me a lot . but his father says it’s okay since it’s far .
And here I thought I’m the only one with this problem. hehe
How’s your relationship? You encounter any problems?
Our relationship is going smoothly. My concern is mainly in what or how the elders will react to this. Unfortunately, we haven’t talk about this yet.
Pasensya na po sa super tagal na reply haha.. kamusta po kayo? Wala naman po naging problema sa pag process ng kasal namin noon. Basta kumpleto ng requirements ay magiging okey naman po. Be ready lang kasi palagi talaga may magtatanong “bakit magkaapelyido kayo?”. Nung una awkward at nahihiya ako pero nakasanayan ko na lang. Hindi naman krimen ang pakikipagpakasal sa kaparehas ng apelyido at kung wala tayong tinatapakan na tao okey lang. At yun nga mag 14years na kaming kasal ngayong 2022 hehe..
Salamat po. Kamusta na po kayo? Sorry super tagal ng reply ko haha..
Natural lang po na may mga magrereact ng di maganda. Naalala ko nun sabi ng uncle ko nakakahiya daw kasi magkaapelyido (Villanueva-Villanueva) Pero sobrang common naman kasi ng apelyido namin. Palagi nga ako nakaka encounter sa kahit saan ako pumunta ng kaapelyido ko pero di naman namin kamag anak. Hanggang ngayon nga may natatawa kapag nagpapakita ako ng valid id ko na married. Pero eto pa din kami oh mag 14years ng kasal.
With what’s happening, I realized that what really bother s me is not the situation itself. But more on what others will say..😟
Mag 9 months na po kami ng bf ko this coming June 4. Kaso same po kami ng surname (Capacia-Capacia) hindi po namin kilala ang family ng isa’t-isa pero malaki daw po ang chance na related kami. Hindi na po kasi namin ma trace ang family tree namin kasi hanggang sa mga lolo nalang po namin ang tanda ng mga father namin. Yung lolo po namin sa tuhod di napo mga kilala. Hindi kopo alam pero hindi na po ako natatakot kung related kami ng bf ko o hindi….pero natatakot po ako sa conflict ng magiging future namin kung sakali po. Yung reaksyon ng mga tao baliwala nalang po sakin…pero gusto kopo talagang pakasalan ang lalaking napili ko. Mahal na mahal ko po sya. Pero natatakot ako na baka isang araw magising nalang po ako na wala na…tapos na. Gusto ko syang pakasalan…kaso pinanghihinaan po ako ng loob kung paano papatunayan na di kami related lalo’t ang lapit lang namin sa isa’t-isa. Tuy batangas ako, balayan batangas naman sya. Sana po mapayuhan nyo po ako. Kasi sa lahat ng pwede ko pong lapitan kayo lang po ang makakaintindi sa sitwasyon ko.
Thank goodness I see this post because I am having a dilemma right now. As I was reading some comments here, I felt hopeful not to don’t mind what others think. My boyfriend and I have the same last name, and just like everyone else we traced our family tree. We even sent each other family reunion pictures, cousins who went to the same school as mine but I don’t recognize any of them. Their last name origin was from a different province compared to mine and I kept thinking that if our grandfathers lived close back then, we would have met in a family reunion even just once but we haven’t. We are also considering to take a DNA test just to shush other people’s opinion that we are not related. It bothers me sometimes when someone points that out but to be honest, I don’t think we are related. We also have people supported us and assures us that it happens since our last name is very common as long as we’re not first cousins and the only concern is the genes we will pass onto our future kids. It’s just… the fear of waking up one day that my favorite person is my relative.