Kaleidoscope World (ctan's random musings)

[ctan]

Masaya ako kasi nakuha ko na ang toga ko kahapon! Hahaha! :-D Sobrang tagal pumili ng mga kaklase ko dun sa fitting room ng toga, kaya antagal din naming naghintay for our turn na magsukat. Hehe! Pero it's worth the wait naman. Hapon na ako natapos, then derecho bili ng isusuot for my graduation. This is it na talaga! Hehehe.

[ctan]

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,   
And sorry I could not travel both   
And be one traveler, long I stood   
And looked down one as far as I could   
To where it bent in the undergrowth;          

Then took the other, as just as fair,   
And having perhaps the better claim,   
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;   
Though as for that the passing there   
Had worn them really about the same,          

And both that morning equally lay   
In leaves no step had trodden black.   
Oh, I kept the first for another day!   
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,   
I doubted if I should ever come back.          

I shall be telling this with a sigh   
Somewhere ages and ages hence:   
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—   
I took the one less traveled by,   
And that has made all the difference.

[ctan]

uy jun! g'am! aga mo dito ah? :-)

[ctan]

^^ hahaha. ayus lang yan jun! importante, may produkto kang maipakita. hahaha!

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

hmm... caloy.. hmm...

[ctan]

^^ hi marv! musta? ano yun? :-)

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

nag-iisip lang.. working ba ang anti-depressant or happy pills sakin? (I know it's not for you to provide such medicines pero I wanna know your thoughts bout this.)

[ctan]

hmmm... how are you feeling ba ngayon? what is inside your mind?

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

hmm... sadness.. mejo matagal na din kase xa.. since 1999 ung unang beses nangyare. bale it's just a mild depression.. pero somewhat. it doesn't stop.

it's like you are holding a 10-lb water bucket.. but you are standing for 10 years. Gets moq. It's mild pero dahil sa tagal, nagiging mahirap na xa..

I also have sleepless nights.. or magigising sa madaling araw then sadness immediately enters my head.

Don't wori, wala na ung suicide thoughts. It's too stupid..

This thought is immediately defused when I work out. I concentrate kase when I lift weights so nwawala xa. However, babalik xa ulet after kong lumabas ng gym.

[ctan]

^^ oo nga, chronic na ang pagiging malungkutin mo. are there times na masyado ka naging madaldal, or minsan hyperactive sa mga ginagawa mo?

try mo magpaconsult marv. mahirap lang kasi dito sa pilipinas, kapag sinabing magpaconsult sa psychiatrist, baliw na agad. hindi naman. sila kasi mag-aassess kung need mo magmedication for your sadness, and they too can give you counsel about how to go with your prevailing problems. may i-suggest ako sa yo na doctor if willing ka. :-)

basta, always remember marv na there are other things in your life that you can be thankful of. :-)

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

^^ haha! I dont consider magpaconsult sa psychiatrist eh crazy na. I think of that as asking for help. (Mejo iba ako mag-isip sa mga regular pinoy. above average ang understanding q.)

Sa dating company namin eh me psychologist.  Bale xa ung nagdiagnost ng 'mild depression' sakin which is the after effect of traumatic childhood experiences. Bale ayun.. merong mga papers na fifll upan.. parang exam xa pero about yourself naman ung mga questions. As you know me, I'm an open book so I am saying everything. I dont keep secrets to her, (well, i keep other people's secrets though. hehehe)

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

kaso i left the company na.. and consultation is very expensive kung sa labas naq ppunta.. hinde kc ito parang physical wound na isang consult lang eh ok na. ito eh walang kasiguraduhan kung how many times until mwala ung depression.. i can still manage and i dont break down in front of people.

[ctan]

^^ tama marv, constant follow-up usually yan. pero wag sa psychologist, kasi if you need meds, they can't dispense. dapat sa psychiatrist. ayt?

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

ayt. pero I dont like taking medicines eh.. Tolerable nmn kase.. Mejo improving nga eh.. Kase dati when I am depress.. I don't eat and I sleep all day.. Sometimes I woke up then I cry then sleep again then woke up and cry again.. I dnt even masturbate. Plus me mga plans of suicide na.

Ngyn eh nag-stablish aq ng mga "layers" sa mind q.. Pag napapansin qng I am doing 'signs' na.. Agad, forced eating. Kaht hinde gutom kumkain aq.. Pag nasusuka aq sa kakakain eh inom lng ng tubig kasama ung food.. Bawal ang hinde kumain.. at magpalipas.. I also don't hurt myself.. its too stupid.

[ctan]

good good! pero bakit eating ang coping up mechanism mo? hehe. sarap naman nun, puro kain na lang. hehehe.