Jokes [MERGED]

[angelo]

any joke that you have? kahit sobrang corny, SHARE NAMAN DIYAN!!

[Jon]

wala..jjejeje

[angelo]

niyek. sayang naman...

[Jon]

KRIS: Magandang gabi, mga kapamilya. Sa game nshow na ito, importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang, 'Deal or No Deal?' Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[Umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose a briefcase.

INDAY: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please

KRIS: Briefcase # 4... si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

INDAY: Oh, do you really want to know, Kris?

KRIS: Oo naman. I'm sure, kaya ko namang maintindihan 'yung sasabihin mo, eh.

INDAY: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

INDAY: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

KRIS: Wait lang, Inday. Usually, isa-isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case...

INDAY: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we're to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

KRIS: Hayyy... babaguhin pa talaga mechanics? (bulong sa sarili) Anwyay, di bale na lang nga... tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie, buksan na!

[Sumigaw ang udience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik)

KRIS: Teka lang, bago natin buksan... Inday, usually ang mga contestant natin ay sumisigaw ng 'LOWER' every time magbubukas ng case.

INDAY: Kris, I guess that's not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add 'ER' to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?
[Natahimik ang audience at napaisip.]

KRIS: Oo nga, 'no?! Sige, Natalie, buksan mo na.
[Ang laman ng briefcase #7 ay piso. Palakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Good start! Ano 'yung next case mo ulit?

INDAY: Case# 24, please

KRIS: Chloe... buksan na...

[Sumigaw ulit ang audience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik lang)

KRIS: Wait lang, guys. Inday, may nabuksan nang case, bakit hindi ka pa rin sumisigaw ng, 'Lower'?

INDAY: Oh my goodness, Kris! How long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened?

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

KRIS: Aarrgghh!!! Chloe, buksan na lang nga, pati na rin 'yung 12, 2, 15 and 20, buksan na rin para matapos na. (naiirita na)

[At sunud-sunod na ngang binuksan ang mga briefcase na pinili ni Inday.]

[Nag-ring ang phone.]

INDAY: Ahh, Kris... to save more time, can you tell Banker that I'm not interested in his first offer? In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the Banker. It's quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean, come on, isn't that a waste of airtime?

BANKER: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kuwarto ni Banker]

[Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng audience ang boses ni Banker sa Deal or No Deal.]

[angelo]

^ pero come to think of it... tama naman talaga si Inday. especially dun sa first offer. whether nabuksan mo na yung mga 2M or hindi pa, either way tutuloy ka pa rin.

[angelo]

inspirational quote:

lahat ng problema may solusyon. kapag walang solusyon, wag mo na problemahin!

and

always remember kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo na lang sa kanila. bakit ka pa magpapakahirap? make life easier!

[angelo]

anak nag-attend ng prom bumalik sa bahay at sobrang hiyang hiya:

anak: Dad sobrang nahiya ako!

dad: bakit anak?

anak: eh kasi sabi sa invitation BLACK TIE only. pagdating ko roon may suot pa silang iba...

[angelo]

ngongo and wife making love

ngongo: mukha mo mapute

wife:di naman ah

ngongo: mukha mo mapute!!!

wife: hindi nga sabi mapute eh!!!!

ngongo: (SUMISIGAW NA) ag sabi koh mukha mo mapute!!!!!!

-nagising ang anak-

anak: nay sabi ni tatay IBUKA MO MABUTE...naman eh, storbo kayong dalawa natutulog na ako!!!!!!!

[angelo]

fun fact from infection control:

annually, you would have shook hands with 6 men who have just masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

[๑۞๑BLITZ๑۞๑]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Co'z seven ate nine (789)....

Nabusa ko pa to dun sa project ko nung highschool...

[HampasLupa]

Mag asawa nagse sex

WIFE: Ancelmo, Ancelmo!!
HUSBAND: Hayop ka sinong Ancelmo sinisigaw mo dyan, Jun ang pangalan ko.
WIFE: Tanga, ang sabi ko ang cell mo nasa ilalim ng pwet ko nadadaganan masakit.

******************
I MISHU!
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sabi ng ngongo nung nakakita ng piso.

[ronjiru]

Nang-asar
Nang-asar ang college boy sa high school girl na sexy.

Sey ng college boy sa kasama, "Wow, pare! High school pa lang, pero ang boobs, college na!"

Narinig iyon ng high school girl kaya sumagot siya, "Ikaw, college na... pero ang ari mo, Grade 1 pa!"

[ronjiru]

MAID

Maid nakakita ng condom after sex sa couple.

maid: aNo to?

amo: iNday wla sex sa nyong bukid??

maid: meron man sir, Pero hindi Ganito ka grabe pati balat na tanggal.....


--bangis--

[ctan]

May mga jokes ba kayo diyan? :-) Share naman! :-)

[noyskie]

yung text mo sakin last time, na joke time ako dun!