Jokes [MERGED]

[bajuy]

***GAYA GAYA

Boy: Hello!
Girl: Hello!
Boy: Kumain ka na?
Girl: Kumain ka na?
Boy: Ginagaya mo ba ako?
Girl: Ginagaya mo ba ako?
Boy: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! :">

Girl: Oo. Kumain na ako.   

[bajuy]

(BUS hinold-up...)

HOLDUPER:rereypin ko lahat ng babae dito!!!!

PROSTI:ako na lang po!maawa po kayo sa kanila!

LOLA:wehhhhhh....epal.......
lahat nga daw eh!PAKAILAMERA to!
badtrip.....

[carpediem]

STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman ginawa?
TEACHER: natural hindi.
STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!

[Luc]

ANTI PICK-UP LINES

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, GET OUT.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you a! lready have one?

HE: Shall we go see a m! ovie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: HIDING FROM YOu.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: DO NOT ENTER.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life in your wildest dreams.

[ctan]

Ue, have you seen my profile status sa fb? Yung joke mo dito ginawa ko status. Hahaha. Benta sobra.

[Luc]

napatingin ako tuloy doc. haha. dagdag pa ako later. aalis lng muna saglit

[Luc]

Teacher: Juan i-english mo eto.

Juan: Wat mam?

Teacher: "Ang uwak ay hinang-hinang naglakad"

Juan: "The wak wak weak weak wok wok..."

hihihi

[ctan]

Gagawa daw ng movie si Prince Harry at Prince William... Ang title...

PRINCE HARRY AND THE HALF-BALD PRINCE



hahahaha!

[ctan]

CRAZY HOROSCOPES


Magagalit ang barker ng jeep sayo. Dahil pagkatapos nyang humiyaw ng malakas na malakas na: "AAAH! CUBAO! CUBAO! CUBAO!", itatanong mo sa pinaka inosente mong tono: --- "Manong, Cubao???"


"Wag mang-aayaw ng kapwa lalo na ng pangit... Kayo-kayo na nga lang mag-aaway pa kayo. Wag ganun"


"Lucky day mo kahapon. Sayang ngayon lang kita na inform. Sorry..."

[Luc]

At a beauty contest...

Host: "Ms. Isla-Hardinia, here is your question: What do you think is your edge among other contestants?"


Ms. Isla: "Good evening!" (confident smile)
"My edge is 21 years old. Thank you~!"

[carpediem]

Erap and GMA jokes. They never get old.


Kung nag-Gay language lang sana sina GMA and Garci, eh di sana walang gulo ngayon...
GMA: Hallooo Gracia!
Garci: Yes mother! Nachukchak ko na po yung mga chuva ek-ek!
GMA: Bonggacious! Eh yung mga tienes-tienes, carry na ba?
Garci: Winnie santos mama! Wiz na worry! Eclavou na ever!
GMA: Ang tarush! Babush!


Erap: Pre, ang bilis ko natapos buuin yung puzzle!
Juan: Talaga pare? Gaano kabilis?
Erap: 5 months!
Juan: Ang tagal naman!
Erap: Tanga! Anong matagal?! Nakalagay nga dito "For 3 years and up!"


ERap: Lintik na ibon yon... Iniputan ako!
Guard: Sir, sandali lang po kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan yung pwet non eh nakalipad na! Tanga ka talaga!


FVR: Erap, may gift ako sayo from India.... 10 feet na snake...
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo ba ako!? Di ako ganon katanga...wala namang feet ang snake noh! Gagong Toh!


Erap calling emergency hotline: Please send help asap! My daughter is giving birth and turning blue.....
Operator: Calm down sir! Is this her first baby?
Erap: Gago! This is her father!


Erap: Tamad! Di ba sabi ko sayo diligan mo ang mga halaman!
Hardinero: Sir, umuulan naman po kasi eh!
Erap: Magpapalusot ka pa! Tanga!..... Eh di magkapote ka!


Erap: Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!
Doctor: Is it choking?
Erap: No doc. It's Max's!
Doctor: I didn't mean Chowking. I said, are you choking?
Erap: No doc, I'm serious!


GMA: I'm planning to stop poverty and mass starvation.
Erap: Alam mo Gloria..yung poverty madaling pigilin... pero ang Masturbation...Aba eh magisip-isip ka muna... human rights violation yan!


Erap: Lintik na shampoo to ayaw bumula
Maid: Sir eh hindi pa po basa buhok niyo
Erap : eh for Dry Hair nga eh.


Naliligo si Erap ng biglang lumindol... Taranta siyang lumabas na hubo't hubad......
Guard: Sir, may nakalimutan po ata kayong suotin....
Erap: Ay shet! ang Wristband ko!.. Oh No!

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

If this girl went to our area. Probably, her head will be placed on a pike and displayed outside.

ANTI PICK-UP LINES

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, GET OUT.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you a! lready have one?

HE: Shall we go see a m! ovie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: HIDING FROM YOu.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: DO NOT ENTER.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life in your wildest dreams.

[Luc]

warfreak ka naman, fin. pero yung spartan type na warfreak. pike kc ginagamit.

[marvinofthefaintsmile]

^^ hahaha! pero usually mga lalake ung namamatay sa area namin. mga siguro below 20s.

[carpediem]

This should be merged again with the other thread.