Things That Changed When You Got Hitched

[den0saur]

Hi! As someone who has been married for just two years, I think I still have a lot to learn in terms of being understanding and reminding myself that there's no I or me anymore but we and us.

Can we compare notes? How has it been since you got married? What changes did you go through and what did you have to do or sacrifice to be able to make things work out for the two of you as a couple.

I know less and less are posting here but I want to hear from other people. Just to know things are still normal and transitioning from being a bachelor to a married man is really tough. 

[bokalto]

Hi! As someone who has been married for just two years, I think I still have a lot to learn in terms of being understanding and reminding myself that there's no I or me anymore but we and us.

Can we compare notes? How has it been since you got married? What changes did you go through and what did you have to do or sacrifice to be able to make things work out for the two of you as a couple.

I know less and less are posting here but I want to hear from other people. Just to know things are still normal and transitioning from being a bachelor to a married man is really tough. 

Nice topic.

I think, for all, the transition is never subtle for both parties.
When we got married and start to live under one roof, there are tons of adjustments.
From smallest details to everything.
Like changing bed size, blankets and even cabinet size. I am a minimalist so I don't have a lot of things even clothes. So getting married crushed the minimalist in me.
Everything has to be done with consideration. You're right, the transition from 'I' to 'We' will need a lot of time to get used to. We were living with our parents on our first year of marriage and after that we decided to move on our own place. Living with your parents is really nice, but when you got married, it will be very different. A castle cannot have 2 Kings and 2 Queens, that will not work.

So yeah, being married is really amazing but be prepared for the changes.
As for me, I believe that I have fulfilled and enjoyed my bachelor years so now that I am married, I can say No (without regrets) to Friday nights, out-of-town tour, road trip with friends. I totally embraced my married life, and now that I am a father of 2 kids, everything now is about my family. --- Married since 2012.

[den0saur]

Hi! As someone who has been married for just two years, I think I still have a lot to learn in terms of being understanding and reminding myself that there's no I or me anymore but we and us.

Can we compare notes? How has it been since you got married? What changes did you go through and what did you have to do or sacrifice to be able to make things work out for the two of you as a couple.

I know less and less are posting here but I want to hear from other people. Just to know things are still normal and transitioning from being a bachelor to a married man is really tough. 

Nice topic.

I think, for all, the transition is never subtle for both parties.
When we got married and start to live under one roof, there are tons of adjustments.
From smallest details to everything.
Like changing bed size, blankets and even cabinet size. I am a minimalist so I don't have a lot of things even clothes. So getting married crushed the minimalist in me.
Everything has to be done with consideration. You're right, the transition from 'I' to 'We' will need a lot of time to get used to. We were living with our parents on our first year of marriage and after that we decided to move on our own place. Living with your parents is really nice, but when you got married, it will be very different. A castle cannot have 2 Kings and 2 Queens, that will not work.

So yeah, being married is really amazing but be prepared for the changes.
As for me, I believe that I have fulfilled and enjoyed my bachelor years so now that I am married, I can say No (without regrets) to Friday nights, out-of-town tour, road trip with friends. I totally embraced my married life, and now that I am a father of 2 kids, everything now is about my family. --- Married since 2012.

How long have you been married?

Been married for two years now. 
The thing is, I feel like I am sacrificing a lot as compared to my wife. (I know I should not be counting how much I have done and whatever but there are times when I couldn't help it.)
I'm the eldest, she's the youngest.
I moved out of the house and lived practically independently of my parents since I went to college, of course may allowance pa from them nung college. She, on the other hand moved out of theirs when we got married. That lasted for just a few months because we eventually moved back to her parents because she got lonely at home.
I resigned from my previous work, gave up my apartment and lived with her. My weekly visits at home stopped. Last time I was able to go home was eight months ago. My mom, said she misses me a lot but I know she knows she can't do anything about it. What she wants is for us to move out and live away from my in laws.
I married a little girl - her mom and dad's little girl who couldn't stand being away from them. That's so frustrating especially for me who is a free-spirited guy, friendly, very extroverted and could easily fill up a 200pax guest list on a whim while she couldn't think of 20 people to invite. All she wants to do is stay in bed during weekends or go out with their family. I couldn't even watch TV without her complaining that I'm ignoring her.
Sorry I'm ranting already. 
I just miss my family and my friends at home. I left everyone for her yet she couldn't seem to grasp the idea that I need to see these old people in my life. Interactions now are limited to just my officemates and her family.
This is just the Gorio weather. Sorry again.

[bokalto]

Your mom is right. You need to live separately from your in-laws.
Hmmm... Kailangan mo siyang kausapin about this. This can't go on forever.
You need to talk to your wife and tell her that you need to move out of the house.
Kasi, yun ang tama. I think you need to compromise, like this weekend, you will go to your in-laws and next to your mom's..
I do feel your frustration. Kaya kailangan nyo talaga mag-usap and have a decision about it.
When you talk to her about moving out, tell her all the good things about living together ALONE.
Like, you have all the freedom. Pwede nyo gawin kahit saan at kahit kailan. Kasi kayo lang naman ang nasa bahay.
At kayo ang masusunod sa bahay. Kung ano gusto nyong ayos ng bahay, kayo ang bahala.
And let her decide sa ayos ng bahay, give her that advantage. Para ma-ejnoy nya yung pagiging Queen sa bahay.
So when you talk to her, make it sound that you wanted to make her a Queen not a Princess. Don't make it sound na naiinis kna tumira sa bahay nila. Wag na wag mo sasabihin yan. Start yan ng World War 3. Hahahaha.

[Peps]

ate ko 3 years na patay ang kuya ko pero sa amin pa din siya nakatira close kasi siya sa amin lalo na sa mom ko, pero 5 months ago nagpaalam na siya sa mom ko na uuwi na siya sa kanila kasi matanda na kasi mom niya gusto niya na lagi na nya ito makasama which we understand naman, pero lagi pa din naman siya sa amin umuuwi lalo pag weekends



@topic

no comment haha
ask niyo si admin chris kakakasal lang nun this year hehe

[den0saur]

no comment haha
ask niyo si admin chris kakakasal lang nun this year hehe

Good for your ate then. Ayos din pag magkalapit lang, pwede umuwi anytime. Sa case ko kasi, medyo malayo. Kaya naman weekly umuwi kaso namimiss ako masyado ni misis haha.
PM mo na lang sakin sir. Hahahaha. Kaya ako anonymous eh. Para hindi dyahe magpost ng mga ganitong sensitive na bagay. Lol

[den0saur]

Your mom is right. You need to live separately from your in-laws.
Hmmm... Kailangan mo siyang kausapin about this. This can't go on forever.
You need to talk to your wife and tell her that you need to move out of the house.
Kasi, yun ang tama. I think you need to compromise, like this weekend, you will go to your in-laws and next to your mom's..
I do feel your frustration. Kaya kailangan nyo talaga mag-usap and have a decision about it.
When you talk to her about moving out, tell her all the good things about living together ALONE.
Like, you have all the freedom. Pwede nyo gawin kahit saan at kahit kailan. Kasi kayo lang naman ang nasa bahay.
At kayo ang masusunod sa bahay. Kung ano gusto nyong ayos ng bahay, kayo ang bahala.
And let her decide sa ayos ng bahay, give her that advantage. Para ma-ejnoy nya yung pagiging Queen sa bahay.
So when you talk to her, make it sound that you wanted to make her a Queen not a Princess. Don't make it sound na naiinis kna tumira sa bahay nila. Wag na wag mo sasabihin yan. Start yan ng World War 3. Hahahaha.

Naririnig ko si misis  minsan na nagrereklamo sa ganitong setup. Hindi nga daw makakilos nang maayos. Pero siguro, for her, maliit na bagay lang yun kasi bahay nila to eh. Dito sya lumaki at nagkaisip. Oo minsan nararamdaman nya yung mahirap kumilos, eh what more ako? Di ba?
Di ko pala namention na may nabili na kaming bahay somewhere near their place, kaso bare pa at ayaw pa niyang lumipat nang hindi pa maayos. Personally, I could live there. Di ko naman kailangan ng maayos na agad. Pwede na unti-untiin pagpapagawa. Ayaw lang nya talaga. (Ayoko isipin na ayaw lang talaga nyang umalis sa piling ng parents nya.)
Kinausap ako ni father in law kagabi, pag-isipan daw namin yung paglipat sa bahay kasi ganito ganyan daw dun sa lugar na yun. Mga negative stuff. Tapos pag daw may mga times na kailangan namin ng tulong ay di sila agad agad makakapunta kasi malayo. Tulong kasi nawalan kami ng yaya so sa kanila muna kami nakisuyo pag-aalaga sa anak namin.
Ayun nga. Kami pa rin daw naman ang magdedecide pero think about it daw.
Di ko lang masabi na, Dad, that's exactly the point of us getting that house. Para malayo sa family ko at family ng asawa ko. Matanda na yang anak nyo, let her solve problems on her own. Allow her to be an adult. Diyos ko.
Nakakafrustrate lang. Hahahahahaha

[jackxtwist]

Been married for two years now. 
The thing is, I feel like I am sacrificing a lot as compared to my wife. (I know I should not be counting how much I have done and whatever but there are times when I couldn't help it.)
I'm the eldest, she's the youngest.
I moved out of the house and lived practically independently of my parents since I went to college, of course may allowance pa from them nung college. She, on the other hand moved out of theirs when we got married. That lasted for just a few months because we eventually moved back to her parents because she got lonely at home.
I resigned from my previous work, gave up my apartment and lived with her. My weekly visits at home stopped. Last time I was able to go home was eight months ago. My mom, said she misses me a lot but I know she knows she can't do anything about it. What she wants is for us to move out and live away from my in laws.
I married a little girl - her mom and dad's little girl who couldn't stand being away from them. That's so frustrating especially for me who is a free-spirited guy, friendly, very extroverted and could easily fill up a 200pax guest list on a whim while she couldn't think of 20 people to invite. All she wants to do is stay in bed during weekends or go out with their family. I couldn't even watch TV without her complaining that I'm ignoring her.
Sorry I'm ranting already. 
I just miss my family and my friends at home. I left everyone for her yet she couldn't seem to grasp the idea that I need to see these old people in my life. Interactions now are limited to just my officemates and her family.
This is just the Gorio weather. Sorry again.

Dude I really wish the two of you can work things out. Lalo pa ngayon na may baby na kayo. Grabe ang komplikado ng buhay may-asawa

[den0saur]

^ UPDATE!

Since anonymous naman ako, I think I can share details.
So two or three weeks ago, we got into a fight. Why? I spent lunch with college friends turned officemates instead of our usual lunches (workplace is near each other). She said ok and then they invited me to drink that night. Since last drinking session was months ago, I said ok without asking for her permission first. Yup, I have to ask permission. So when I told her I'll be leaving the house, she got mad, told me stuff that honestly are too selfish. Told me all I prioritize re my friends and my wanting to go to my family etc., as compared to her who's happy even with just the three of us. Well, I told her, that's her and as much as she wants to believe that, I don't see that she's okay with just the three of us. She couldn't even last a day without seeing her mom. How is that okay?
I was really furious that day. But I was able to explain that we are completely different persons and that I respect her being a baby and that honestly I am not expecting anything from her, at all, nothing because I know she knows nothing about sacrificing and all her life, people adjust for her.
Long story short, I was able to go out that night. We said our sorrys and I think I got my message across. I told her I am genuinely happy whenever I see her be a mom to our kid and whenever she tries to be a good wife to me. I told her that's enough for me, knowing that she tries her best.
Recently, she's been acting strange. She actually talked to my parents when they visited for a few days. She did not just stay in our room and go out just to eat. She was accommodating my parents. Even them, napansin nila and now hindi na sila masyadong nahihiya na pumunta sa bahay to visit their apo. It's a big ganda point for her. So I said thank you to her for being nice, for  a change. I guess now she's finally accepted the idea that we're married and that she has to accept all the people I love the way I accepted hers including all the quirks.
Unti unti, steady lang. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, since wala akong kahit anong expectations, kahit maliit na step sobrang naaappreciate ko. Sana magtuluy tuloy na.

[jackxtwist]

^ayos may update. Maybe she's just taking too long (relative to you) to adjust to the new environment. Let's just wish it gets stuck and won't go away anytime soon.

Some observations on my sister and her relationship with bayaw:
1. She really dislikes when bayaw goes out with drinking buddies. Every single time. Bayaw is really a lasenggero so I am not sure if she really disliked that character or she is just worried bayaw might get into trouble or harmed.
2. She really gets hysterical and historical during confrontations. Sana hindi ka nakikipagsabayan.

[den0saur]

^ayos may update. Maybe she's just taking too long (relative to you) to adjust to the new environment. Let's just wish it gets stuck and won't go away anytime soon.

Some observations on my sister and her relationship with bayaw:
1. She really dislikes when bayaw goes out with drinking buddies. Every single time. Bayaw is really a lasenggero so I am not sure if she really disliked that character or she is just worried bayaw might get into trouble or harmed.
2. She really gets hysterical and historical during confrontations. Sana hindi ka nakikipagsabayan.

Yun. Sana nga tuluy tuloy na.
Re observations mo:
1. Lahat ata ganyan. Ewan ko. Wala pa akong nakita na hindi tumututol sa ganyan. Pero I have friends na ok ang mga asawa nila na uminom kami. Basta uuwi on time o papasok kinabukasan. I mean, nakilala nila kami as the manginginom group and we rarely get to see each other anymore so sana ibigay na nila yun sa mga husbands nila. People need breaks. Kahit nga yung mga misis alam ko napapahod din at gustong magspend ng time away from the house, pati tayo. Hehe.
2. Historical talaga. Been there. That's one of the things I learned when I got married. Na wag sabayan ang init ng ulo. Sabi ko lagi pag nag aaway kami, kelangan may isang nasa huwisyo. The thing is, kahit ako yung sobrang qiqil na, ako pa rin yung unang magpa-power down. Last away namin, medyo na-late ang pagpower down ko so nasigawan ko sya. Hehe. Natakot. Inexplain ko naman after yung side ko. Na as much as possible, ayokong makipagsabayan kasi magkakagulo lang kami. Sinabi ko din na kung sya gusto nya makipagconfront sakin at mag-nag, ako hindi. Blah blah. Tanggap ko na rin kasi na ganun ang ugali nya. Di papatalo at madalas tinetechnical ako.

Pero masarap magkaroon ng family, guys. All worth the pain. 😍

[jackxtwist]

wow good for you. I saw the good and bad things with raising a family through my sister. And I decided, at least for now, the costs outweigh the benefits. Hahaha.

[den0saur]

wow good for you. I saw the good and bad things with raising a family through my sister. And I decided, at least for now, the costs outweigh the benefits. Hahaha.

At least, for now. Hehehe